happy fourth!
i hope this post finds everyone healthy and happy... full of hot dogs and hamburgers and everything fourth. it’s raining here in my part of Texas, so our festivities have been contained to the inside.
i’m still in the recovery process of what was and is still a surreal turn of events. i’m not even certain as to what truly happened to me. i have standing orders for weekly blood tests and follow-up visits with my Rheumatologist and a Cardiologist. my heart continues to race (approx. 120 beats per minute) and i get tired and short of breath easily, some of my join pains are returning and i am still suffering from withdrawals from the antidepressant i was on for SAD (i discontinued using it because i was suffering from over 20 side effects while i was on it.)
every day i’ve been trying to get out of the house, just so i don’t get bored or more depressed. plus, the small bit of walking around (even if it is in a store) is good for me since i was in a hospital bed for a week. my arms are still bruised from where my IV line was inserted and the countless blood samples were taken.
the past two weeks have been so hard on everyone in my family and even K, in the chaos and stress of everything:
+the day i got admitted and was sent to the ICU, was also my mom’s birthday
+the same night i got discharged, Pedals, Karen’s dog, had to go the the Pet ER for blood in her stool (a $400 visit)
+less than 12 hours later, Karen’s car had $500 worth of work done on it
+Saturday night, my mom forgot her purse in a cart at a Wal-Mart Super Center, it got stolen and the thieves charged up her credit cards and debit cards
+i had a meltdown at church and while taking communion
+i had another meltdown at Johnny Carino’s last night, after we had the shittiest service ever
+K is sick
to top it off, i may not be returning to San Francisco... i might be moving back here to Texas and finishing my degree online. every time i think about it, i can’t help but cry. and then my heart starts to pound and i can’t catch my breath... so i try not to think about it. my main focus is regaining my strength so i can make that decision when i am more able.
anyway... sorry this post turned into a downer. it’s cathartic for me to type it all out.
i’m still in the recovery process of what was and is still a surreal turn of events. i’m not even certain as to what truly happened to me. i have standing orders for weekly blood tests and follow-up visits with my Rheumatologist and a Cardiologist. my heart continues to race (approx. 120 beats per minute) and i get tired and short of breath easily, some of my join pains are returning and i am still suffering from withdrawals from the antidepressant i was on for SAD (i discontinued using it because i was suffering from over 20 side effects while i was on it.)
every day i’ve been trying to get out of the house, just so i don’t get bored or more depressed. plus, the small bit of walking around (even if it is in a store) is good for me since i was in a hospital bed for a week. my arms are still bruised from where my IV line was inserted and the countless blood samples were taken.
the past two weeks have been so hard on everyone in my family and even K, in the chaos and stress of everything:
+the day i got admitted and was sent to the ICU, was also my mom’s birthday
+the same night i got discharged, Pedals, Karen’s dog, had to go the the Pet ER for blood in her stool (a $400 visit)
+less than 12 hours later, Karen’s car had $500 worth of work done on it
+Saturday night, my mom forgot her purse in a cart at a Wal-Mart Super Center, it got stolen and the thieves charged up her credit cards and debit cards
+i had a meltdown at church and while taking communion
+i had another meltdown at Johnny Carino’s last night, after we had the shittiest service ever
+K is sick
to top it off, i may not be returning to San Francisco... i might be moving back here to Texas and finishing my degree online. every time i think about it, i can’t help but cry. and then my heart starts to pound and i can’t catch my breath... so i try not to think about it. my main focus is regaining my strength so i can make that decision when i am more able.
anyway... sorry this post turned into a downer. it’s cathartic for me to type it all out.
posted by sightofstars | 1:51 PM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry to hear you are still not feeling well. May you get the strength you need to be ready for the next steps whatever they may be! You'll be in my prayers, Sheila.
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